Don't Get Even -- Get Equal
Ben and Jerry did it with Pillsbury. Engineer Allan MacDonald did it with NASA. Dan Rather did it with Richard Nixon. Columnist Ellen Goodman, however, admits it didn't work with the carpet cleaner.
How about you? Can you hold your own when confronted with difficult people and situations? Are you "too polite" to hang up on obnoxious telemarketers? Are you stuck at the bottom of the “pecking order” at work? Can you stand up to the office bully when he tries to intimidate you to get his way?

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For Divorced Parents in Conflict:
Adversaries Always Lose
“Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore. But we both still love you very much.” It's one of the most agonizing declarations a parent can make. Yet every year the parents of one million kids struggle to offset the damaging effects divorce can have on the family's youngest members. How do you put aside your differences for the sake of your children when you are angry or hurt? How do you raise your kids to be healthy, well-adjusted individuals despite ongoing strife with your ex-spouse?

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Interview Ideas

November 2007

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Looking for the Wrong Love In All the Right Places?
Patrick fell for Zoë the instant he saw her. But he wasn’t prepared for the intensity beneath her pretty, seductive surface. Sexually demanding, volatile, and even suicidal, she turned their brief relationship into a vortex of instability and negativity that left Patrick wary of risking intimacy again.  

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The Moment that Changed Everything: Letting the Spirit Blaze Life's Trail
Arun Gandhi was an obstinate, unmotivated youth, a disappointment to his father and no credit to his legendary grandfather, Mahatma. At 12, he was consumed by anger, a victim of apartheid in his South African hometown and far from the leader in the international peace movement he would become. Then his father sent him to live with Mahatma in India.   

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Parents of Divorcing Children:
Building Bridges Over Thorny Terrain
Ben sounded odd on the phone, and Nora's "mother's radar" clicked into alert mode. Then she heard the words no parent is ever quite prepared for: "Mom, Dad... Joan and I are getting a divorce." Nora and her husband Gary found themselves helpless on the sidelines, unsure of their role now, wanting to help Ben and Joan but afraid to interfere and make things worse.

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Fall 2006

Changing the Picture of Divorce:
A New Model for Healthy Transition

When John and Marian’s thirteen-year marriage began to break down, they tried therapy, but their problems spiraled toward a nasty divorce. Somehow the counseling of various helping professionals only seemed to polarize them, fueling a war neither wanted. Did it have to be that way?

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November 2006

Fifty Common Therapist Errors... And How to Avoid Them

"There is a slippery underbelly to the successful practice of psychotherapy that is almost never taught in graduate programs or medical schools," claim Drs. Bernard Schwartz and John V. Flowers in this new book.

Are You an Enabler?
How Shielding an Addict Can Harm You
Enabling is shielding an addicted individual from the costs of addiction. This shielding changes the cost-benefit analysis by lowering the costs and thereby lowering the addict’s motivation to change.  
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From Home to... Homeless?

Think about the word “home.” What does it mean to you? Do you have warm feelings and images? Are you thinking about family? Security? A place where you can kick your shoes off and be yourself? Think about how you feel as a guest in someone else’s home. Remember what it’s like when it’s not your kitchen? Not your bathroom? Not your special chair in the living room? Do you breathe a sigh of relief at the thought of the trip’s end and your return home?  

            Multiply that feeling by 365 days a year, and you’ll sense the perpetual anxiety and tension – as a permanent “guest” – felt by most nursing home residents. It’s rare to feel at home in someone else’s house.

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Do You Give Too Much?
Panic attacks in and of themselves are powerful agents for eroding confidence. Suddenly, you feel unable to do all sorts of things you used to do, all sorts of things “normal” people do. On top of that, you feel as though you’ve lost control of your own body, something so basic to your sense of self that you probably never even gave it a second thought before the attacks hit.
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Accentuate the Positive

Consider this scenario: two men experience exactly the same events; they have each decided to take their son to a movie on a Saturday afternoon. On the way to the theater, there is a traffic jam, and they begin to run late. At the movie theater, they have a hard time finding a parking space, which causes further delays. Eventually they get to the box office only to discover that all tickets have been sold and they cannot see the movie. 

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Kicking Your Old Habits
Constance found herself pulling her hair again. She had done so most of her life, but in the last few months had become aware that her hair was actually thinning. She knew she had to stop. But how could she break a fifteen-year-old habit?

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Lofty Goals: Too Much of a Good Thing?

Goal setting is an important, and even an essential, part of life. Our main goal is to survive and to be happy in various ways, including personal achievement, mental health, and good relations with other people. When we don’t seem to have goals, we usually do have them in our underlying desires, but we sometimes insist that we absolutely must achieve them and achieve them remarkably well. 

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How Do You Spell "Relaxation"?
People respond differently when asked how they relax:  
“Let me watch a good football game and I’ll relax.”  
“I take an aspirin and go to bed.”  
“For me, it’s a scotch-on-the-rocks while watching the evening news.”  
“A favorite rock album through headphones while studying is relaxation for me.”  
      Unfortunately, not one of these individuals is relaxing well enough to significantly reduce tension and stress! At best, they are engaged in a favorite pastime that is fun and satisfying.

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Toxic Relationships?

No important, ongoing relationship is totally without friction. In all good families, marriages and friendships, some degree of conflict, disagreement and disappointment is the rule. One of the hallmarks of emotional maturity is to be willing and able to really stick with important others during difficult times. However, it’s fair to say that some relationships are toxic.

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Trading Spaces, Sharing Parents
Your experiences with a new stepfamily are probably difficult, but the changes and transitions are just as difficult for your child. One particular problem you may have encountered is visitation: sharing parents. Your child may be feeling like a visitor in your new home, especially if your new spouse’s children live with you and your child does not.  
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Love Isn't Like a Pie
When your child becomes part of a stepfamily, the confusion he or she faces will seem overwhelming, and may call for some extra reassurance on your part. Helping your child fit in will involve dealing with new jealousies: new stepsiblings, new stepparents, a new house with new rules.

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Congruence Takes Courage

It takes courage to express feelings even though we are concerned that we might be misunderstood. If partners care enough about their relationship, they will be courageous in sharing perceptions and feelings. No issues will be off limits. They will talk about their differences, feelings of anger, rejection or despair.

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Understanding Your Partner's Feelings

When partners share feelings, ideas, and beliefs, our responsibility is to be attentive, respectful, and accepting. You demonstrate sensitivity by listening attentively in order to understand your partner’s frame of reference. The skill of empathy helps us do this.

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Realistic Optimism?

Optimism can help you to see that, despite actual and potential calamities, you can see misfortunes in a better light and see that you can handle them, helping you create an attitude to better deal with adversities and help you to ward them off in the future.

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Can Your Relationship Be Rational?
Have you ever wondered whether your relationship is healthy? Do you think your partner is behaving irrationally or holding unhealthy beliefs? Moreover, have you wondered if your own beliefs or behaviors are rational? World renowned psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis can tell you!  

Better to Give Than Receive?
Doris believed that honorable, decent and considerate people do not put their own needs before those of others, especially when dealing with loved ones. She thought that only selfish people who failed to care about the feelings and wishes of others would ever put their own desires first. However, she often felt that her relatives and friends took unfair advantage of her and did not repay her in kind.

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Will Kindness Overcome Unkindness?
Sally’s husband was often abusive. One morning, over breakfast, Hugh began to shout at her because she was on the phone instead of keeping him company. Later that morning, she picked up his shirts from the laundry, ran some other errands for him, and decided to cook his favorite dish for dinner. 

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Do You Should, Ought, or Must People?

People who use too many shoulds, oughts, musts and have-tos are very demanding and unpleasant, and they make life miserable for themselves and others. We see many people in our consulting rooms who make demands, who strongly insist on things. They typically have a history of acrimonious divorce, no friends, and many problems on the job.  

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When Good Intentions Go Bad

Most people seem more ready to criticize than to appreciate. Their “good intention” to help their partner is often seen as an “unfair attack” that needs to be defended against. Then the emotional distance between the partners grows larger.

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When Differences Make a Difference

Differences between partners in a relationship are natural because they naturally do exist. Just as a difference in height between two people is natural, a difference in thoughts, feelings, and behavior is also “normal” and “natural.”

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The Assertive Woman

Down with Put-Downs!

The Art of Saying "No"

How to Make Yourself Happy

What's the Worst That Could Happen?

It's Awful! It's Terrible!

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You Can Beat Depression

Destructive Thinking:
Can You Stop the Cycle?

Depressed? You Can Get Over It!

Life's Events Can Trigger Depression

Teen Esteem

"C'mon, Baby, You Know You Want To..."

"Enemies Within" Rob Teens of Self-Respect

I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand

Helping A Grieving Child Feel Better

When Children Experience a Loss...

A Child's Guide to Grief… Let Your Feelings Out

The Divorce Helpbook for Teens

It's Not Your Fault; It's Not About You: Helping Teens Cope When Mom and Dad Divorce

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Cool Cats, Calm Kids

Cool Cats are Courageous and Curious

Do Cats Really Have Nine Lives?

Be a Cool Cat...Take Catnaps!

The Shelbys Need Help!

Encouragement? Yes, Please!

How Does Birth Position Affect Your Child?

Natural and Logical Consequences

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The Child Custody Book

Does My Child Need a Therapist?

Symptoms of Emotional Damage to Children of High-Conflict Divorce

Should You Go Negative in Your "Campaign" for Child Custody?

Parenting After Divorce

Your Children: Trading Spaces

Forgiving: Getting Past Getting Dumped

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How You Feel Is Up To You

Setback? Upset? Laugh It Off!

Luck Is No Accident

Go Ahead and Make Mistakes!

The Stress Owner's Manual

Are You An Emotional Eater?

When the Going Gets Tough...

Calming the Family Storm

Angry? Tips to Calm Down on the Spot

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Sex, Drugs, Gambling & Chocolate

What Makes an Addict Willing to Change?

Nursing Homes: Getting Good Care There

Relatives are Key Link 
for Nursing Home Residents

Finding the Home in Nursing Homes

Getting the Best Nursing Home
Care for Loved Ones

Master Your Panic

Is Panic Related to Your Personality Profile?  

Your Perfect Right

Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

Must We Put Up with Put-downs?

Friendship: It's a Special Relationship

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Survivors: Stories and Strategies to Heal the Hurt

Parents: Are You Narcissistic?

Is That All There Is?

Can We Buy Ourselves Happy?

Do You Focus Only on the Faults?

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends

Ain't It Great To Be Single?

The Healing Separation

Marital Myths Revisited

Increasing Your Partner Talk

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Getting Apart Together

Keeping It Together With Your Ex

Can Your Relationship Be Saved?

My Perfect Mate Doesn’t Exist?!  
“Soul Mate Syndrome” Explained

Your Relationship Might Need a Vacation

Is Your Relationship In Trouble?

The Divorce Helpbook for Kids

Tips for Kids When Carrying Messages to and from Mom and Dad

How You Feel Is Up To You

Expressing Your Feelings in Relationships

Most experts agree that open communication contributes to good relationships. However, one of the most awkward things about sharing strong feelings with another person is getting started.

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Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better

When Your "Other" Is Your Therapist

If you pick a therapist to help you with your problems, beware of becoming obsessed with loving or being loved by him or her. Good therapists can support and help you. They will care for you as an individual, and they have an incentive to help you become happier and less disturbed. Some of them may come to care for you personally, and would if they had met you outside the therapy office. But this also has its dangers.

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50 Ways to Love Your Leaver

Rebuild Your Social Network After Divorce
As your inner world begins to settle down and balance after divorce, you must nourish your growing self from every available source. Part of doing well for yourself is to reach out, to build new bridges with people.

101 Little Instructions for Surviving Your Divorce

Divorcing? Take the Time You Need

Divorce is not an event; it’s a process. Whether it takes three weeks, three months, or three years, nothing will be solved immediately. Take a deep breath and relax as much as you can.  

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Divorce Handbook for California

Contemplating Divorce?
How do you survive the pain of divorce, protect your life savings, and spare your kids the psychological scarring that could keep them from forming successful relationships of their own?
 

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