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The following release is provided to our media friends. For additional information, email publicity@impactpublishers.com.
Can Relationships be Rational?
Renowned Psychologist Says Yes
Have you ever wondered whether your relationship is healthy? Do you think your partner is behaving irrationally or holding unhealthy beliefs? Moreover, have you wondered if your own beliefs or behaviors are rational? World renowned psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis can tell you!
Best known for his ground-breaking Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) method, Dr. Ellis distills his expertise in a series of question-and-answer format FAQ’s taken directly off his popular “Ask Dr. Ellis” website and answered in his book, Ask Albert Ellis. His focus is on guiding people to healthy behavior, healthy thinking, and healthy emotions.
In the following samples, Dr. Ellis imparts sage relationship advice:
Q: Isn’t it true that some irrational/unprovable beliefs can have a healthy effect on an individual? (e.g., My relationship with my wife is Fabulous!)
A: In REBT, irrational beliefs are not merely defined as those that are unrealistic (anti-factual) or illogical... but include those that are usually unrealistic and illogical and also do harm to you and/or your social group. If you believe that your wife is Fabulous when she is actually fairly ordinary, that is unrealistic. If you believe that because you love her, that makes her Fabulous to everyone, that is unrealistic and illogical. But these unrealistic and illogical beliefs are healthy in that they help both you and your wife and presumably do not harm anyone else. Therefore, in REBT theory and practice they are not irrational. You are both damned lucky! If you believe that because you love her and because you see her as Fabulous she will never make any mistakes nor treat you unkindly, beware! That is probably unrealistic, illogical and self-defeating!
Q: How can I rationally deal with the extreme anger and hurt that I am experiencing as a result of my significant other’s affair, and the lies that went along with it?
A: Hurt is largely the result of your noting your significant other’s affair and telling yourself how wrong it is and how bad are the lies that went with it. These are your views and you are entitled to them. But you are also demanding that he absolutely must not be wrong and absolutely should not lie to you. You therefore create great hurt (self-pity) and rage. If you unconditionally accept him as a fallible human being who easily does wrong things, you will still feel healthily sorry and disappointed in his behavior, but not condemn him totally as a person, for behaving this way.
Q: If a person in a committed relationship cheats on the other, wouldn’t feelings of guilt be warranted, and not from irrational thoughts?
A: REBT accepts... rational guilt -- as long as it involves your taking responsibility for your acts that harm other people, but not putting yourself down as a person for committing them. Rational or healthy guilt consists of telling yourself, “I acted destructively and will do my best to prevent myself from doing so again.” ... Most people often damn themselves as well as their behaviors for their wrong doings, and REBT shows them how to rate their actions (or thoughts and feelings) but not their selves as “bad.”
Albert Ellis, Ph.D., is founder of the Albert Ellis Institute for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy in New York City, with affiliated centers throughout the world. In his ninetieth year, he travels the world presenting lectures and workshops on rational thinking, feeling and action in response to universal emotional and relationship issues. Author of over sixty-five books, he is perhaps the best known and most honored psychologist of our time.
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Adapted from Ask Albert Ellis: Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist, by Dr. Albert Ellis. Available at online and local bookstores or directly from Impact Publishers, Inc., PO Box 6016, Atascadero, CA 93423, www.impactpublishers.com or phone 1-800-246-7228.
